Life Changed.

I can't say things haven't changed a lot, because they have.
I moved home.
I learned that sex is not the answer.
I made 3 new enemies in the form of CS EH and JB.
I learned that tell my mom everything is a good thing to do.
I learned that I love music.
I lost my hate for boys in the army.
I learned to move on.
I started texting..
I got a new phone.
I lost weight.
I love my mom.
I hate my sister.
I wrote 2 songs in 1 week.
I started a journal.
I came back to school.
Jeffrey and Jacob are over.
I meet new people all the time.
I am in love.


RA is the newest addition to my list of loves, and he made his way right up there to the top right next to chocolate covered cherries, chicken nuggets, sewing, and music. He is wonderful. But I'm unsure.
The last time I believed I was in love was with SA. And SA broke my heart into 5.5million pieces which I still loved him with. I am completely over every past relationship. MG, AS, JR, even KS! But even after a wound heals, it still leaves a scar. The scar left by SA was disfiguring, for a while. Now it has reduced in size, but it is still there. RA is wonderful. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He keeps me away from other people, oh wait, that part isn't wonderful. I just don't get it. He has met every person I live with, and LH, and BM, and TM, and their mom, and he has dealt first hand with the contention twins and he doesn't mind. But when it comes to his friends and family, something is missing. I met AS, a friend of his whom I set up with CS's little sister, CS. I met his cousin, who proceeded to tell RA that I was texting him constantly asking where RA was and who he was with etc.. which I wasn't. This caused a minor infraction between RA and myself, which led to nothing. But other than those two people in his life, I have not met anyone else. We have only been a few public places together. This is the only thing about the entire relationship that worries me. We aren't together, and I am okay with that. If I wanted a relationship, I could find one elsewhere, but I just want him, with or without the relationship. I haven't changed my fb relationship status, simply because people would ask who i was with, then he would deny it, and i would look like and idiot. I tried posting a cute kissing picture on fb, and i tagged him in it. He hastily untagged himself, so I removed the picture. I felt horrible, and the thought of it right now is bringing on memory heartburn.

I'm talking about that.

a song i wrote today:

SHOOTING STARS (IF WE WERE TOGETHER)
when you kiss me in your car
i feel like we could go far
and i would love you forever
if we were together
when your lips brush my cheek
i feel sparks, so it seems
i know we could last
if you gave me the chance
you and i are
like shooting stars
make a wish, cause baby
this is it
all we're built on
it makes us strong
forever
if we were together
take my hand into yours
bring me onto the dance floor
i don't care
if people stare
they might ask us how we met
they might ask us if we let
stupid things come between us
I'll be kind and just
you and i are
like shooting stars
make a wish, cause baby
this is it
all we're built on
it makes us strong
forever
if we were together
make me laugh, and make me cry
give me stars in my eyes
love me forever, or just for a day
we know i will stick in your heart either way
there's something more to this
it feels like cosmic bliss
and you and i, baby, we should try
there is nothing left to say
you know you text me everyday
i call you nicknames to my friends
doesn't feel like this can end
you and i are
like shooting stars
make a wish, cause baby,
this is it
all we're built on
has made us this strong
i will love you forever
even if we aren't together
there's a twinkle in your eye
representing tears I've cried
and I'll be here for any you loose
but i know it's me you'll never choose

copyright 2011 Penstemon Koda. All Rights Reserved.

I'm done for today. see ya in a little while.